For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize