Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
