What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
