No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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