he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
