Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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