I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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