My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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