I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
