I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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