i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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