I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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