How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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