I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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