I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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