Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
