someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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