So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
