dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
