On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
