You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
