I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
