This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
