I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
