You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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