hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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