...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
