I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
