you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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