You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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