Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
