apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
