I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize