p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
