Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
