I am full of burrito and curiosity
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
