Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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