I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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