in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
