3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
