i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
