Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The air was thick with penises
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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