Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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