I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
