i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
