so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
