dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
