Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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