Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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