WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
