so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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