3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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