man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
