They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
