when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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