Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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