I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
