is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
