Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im holly from the hills drunk
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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