Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
