i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
