Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
