My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love you. Go after that dick
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
