He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
