She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
