And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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