I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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