were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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