I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
