You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
