That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
