My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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