kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
