Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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