I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
