It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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