the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
