Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
