Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
