just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
