I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
