so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
