someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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