I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
