how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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