M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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