I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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