At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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