I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
