You're so nebulous sometimes
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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