I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
