I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
