Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
