the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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