I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
