I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
