I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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