just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize