He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love having hate sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
