Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
