I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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