it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize