Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
