Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
