my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
