Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
