wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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